 Why do we fall back into old habits? Why do we return to old patterns? Why do we re-run old narratives? I guess the big question is, why, when we are trying to do something new, do we often go back to old ways of thinking and behaving?
Whether we are quitting smoking, giving up drinking or starting a ‘diet’, why do we ‘fall off the wagon’, hit the bottle or give up on giving up? Because humans are lazy! We like the path of least resistance. Why work hard when we can work easy? Perhaps we are biologically programmed to conserve that energy, lest we be chased by a sabre-toothed tiger, so we find ways to work smarter, not harder. The unconscious mind, a vast warehouse of processes outside of our conscious awareness, is like the software running in the background on a computer. We are not consciously aware that it is running, but it’s getting on with it, running different programmes and making sure things that are supposed to happen are happening. Like the internet cookies that track your activity online, these little trails of cookie crumbs also enhance your experience; they remember that you’ve been to that page before, they remember your log-in, they know what kind of trousers you like and make recommendations. The unconscious mind works in a similar way - it says: I know you are a smoker, you identify as a smoker, you call yourself a smoker, you see yourself as a smoker and you buy and smoke cigarettes. I know that you usually smoke a cigarette with a cup of coffee in the morning and after every meal. Ooohhh… you’ve just eaten dinner, time for a cigarette. Cue craving. The unconscious mind ‘cookies’ are working, they’re doing their job. They are working to remind you of your thoughts and patterns and to trigger behaviours. We’ve been here before. This is what we’re supposed to do. Ah-ha, the unconscious mind says, there’s a Burger King. You love Burger King and you always order the Whopper with a vanilla milkshake. Cue craving. The unconscious mind doesn’t yet know that we’ve given up Whoppers! The unconscious mind hasn’t yet accepted a new routine (because it hasn’t been embedded yet) or appreciate that actually we started a new diet on Monday! The unconscious mind is prompting you to do what you’ve always done and triggering thoughts and cravings to elicit the associated behaviour. Like the internet cookies; we’ve been here before. When we think about behaviour change, about embedding new healthy habits, imagine the landscape of the brain with all its criss-crossing neural pathways as a large green field that you want to cross. There is an obvious path in front of you. Well-trodden, clearly defined, you can see that people have walked that path for years. It is a grass-less groove of an easy path. There are a few smaller paths too - but they’re less defined, uneven and grassy. Which path are you going to take? The wide, flat, well-worn and obvious path or the narrow and uneven one? Do you want an easy walk or a challenging walk? Most of us would choose the former, the path of least resistance. Now think of this in terms of trying to embed a healthy eating habit. Shall I order pizza, get a Whopper from Burger King or chuck something in the microwave (the old, well-trodden path and a web page with existing cookies) or shall I buy, prepare and eat something new that is much better for me (a new or non-existent path and a webpage with no cookies - never been here before!) and you can see why old habits really do die hard. The mind can’t distinguish between good and bad habits, it will just prompt you to do what you've always done. Some habits, patterns and behaviours are profoundly unhelpful and unhealthy but the mind doesn’t know that - it just knows that this is what we do. That is why sustainable habit change can be such a challenge and why it is just so much easier to fall back into old habits and re-run old narratives. The internet is undecided on how long it takes to change a habit - anything from 18 to 254 days apparently! But one thing is clear. Like the paths across the grassy field, neural pathways in the brain have to become established. To become an effective path - one that you can walk without breaking an ankle- they have to be walked on, trodden in, ground down. Habit change isn’t quick. It takes conscious awareness and consistency. In the early days of my intermittent fasting journey, I would catch myself mindlessly throwing something into my mouth or picking at the kids leftover chips. I say ‘catch myself’, because I would notice it and snap back with conscious awareness, thinking ‘hang on, we don’t do this anymore’ and quickly spit it out. That awareness and consistency is the walking of the path, to embed the new habit. Soon enough, by consciously showing up for yourself, you reach a point where you are no longer the smoker, the boozer or the person who binge eats Whoppers! Change is always possible, new habits are always available and you can choose which path to take.
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 I’ve been reading a lot about the overprescribing of benzodiazepines to deal with anxiety, especially in the US, but, with fewer doctors, limited resources, time pressure and the power and influence of pharmaceutical companies here in the UK, there can be a tendency to prescribe pills as the first option.
Now, I’m not anti- meds! Some conditions absolutely require medication and it would be irresponsible to suggest otherwise. But some, I would argue, could be positively affected by reflection, connection and non-pharmaceutical interventions. Sometimes anxiety and depression is situational. A person is experiencing low mood, increased anxiety or symptoms of depression because of the state they are in at that time, perhaps influenced or exacerbated by a challenging situation. It could be that a lack of resilience, a lack of familial support or support network makes it harder to deal with life’s challenges at that time. Feeling low, lacking motivation, struggling to function in day to day life, this person goes to see the GP. Feeling stressed, struggling with anxiety, feelings of panic and overwhelm, experiencing heart palpitations or panic attacks, this person goes to see the GP. Both of these people are finding it difficult to cope with their daily life. The GP tells them that counselling or CBT would be a good idea, but the NHS wait list is six months minimum. Without the resources to pay for this privately, what options do they have? Feeling like they need ‘help’ now, they may well feel that medication is a good (or only) option. I love the idea of social prescribing and hope that this becomes more and more routine as an alternative to medication. Imagine the personal and societal benefits if people were more invested in their own health and wellbeing and less reliant on the external. The wellbeing journey is a very personal one. The industry that has grown up around it is completely crazy at times and is in danger of losing its way, but, at its very core, looking after yourself in a holistic way will take care of your mind, body and spirit. If ‘health is wealth’, let’s make the right investments and put our time, money, energy and attention where it needs to be. Connection is a fundamental human need and we, as a society, are more and more disconnected. Connecting with people with similar interests, reducing isolation and social exclusion, has multiple physiological and psychological benefits. It’s also a good idea to consciously disconnect from sources of negativity- the instagram accounts that you unconsciously compare yourself to, or the influencers that make you feel bad about yourself- declutter your digital space with a regular detox. Keep your online communities and feeds positive, fill your cup with good stuff and follow people and accounts that add something to your life. Bringing conscious awareness to what we eat, how we eat and when we eat will nourish the physical and energetic body. Most of us eat mindlessly. We eat too much of the wrong food at the wrong times. Cultivating a positive relationship with food, learning to nourish the body with nutritious food as an energy source, rather than dulling the body, mind and emotions with a surfeit of empty calories will be transformational and will lead to healthy weight loss and, more importantly, a healthy relationship with food. Cutting out diets and avoiding toxic diet culture is a great first step. Learning to embrace, love and accept the body that you have now, while working to embed healthy habits, will help you to embrace your body and achieve your goals. Most importantly, pay attention to your body, get to know it and nourish it in a mindful and intuitive way. Also, don’t be afraid of being hungry. You’re meant to feel hunger- it kick starts the body’s systems and allows it to do its job. Moving your body daily is essential for physical and mental health. Find activities that you enjoy and will be able to sustain. Forget punishing HIIT routines or daily workouts at the gym - that is so hard to maintain and won’t last long enough to make a difference. Achieving a daily step target is much more effective and sustainable than a fancy new training programme. Seeing exercise as self-care, self-investment and prioritising your health is the best way to affect a mindset shift that will stay with you. So…I'm hoping that we routinely get to a place where overstretched, under-resourced GPs don’t send people away with a pack of pills and a vague promise of underwhelming group CBT. Instead, they prescribe rest, reflection and reconnection. Rest to reset, re-focus and prioritise self-love and self-care. Reflection to talk, journal or write therapeutically to start to understand the self better and unearth personal barriers. Reconnection to connect with like-minded, like-hearted people, to connect with nature, and to connect with the self. A prescription for a long walk in nature with a friend, a good chat over a cuppa, followed by some yoga and meditation could be exactly what many of us need! Amy x Amy is the founder of The Women’s Wellbeing Collective. She is a Wellbeing Coach and yoga teacher who runs events, workshops and retreats. Amy runs Walk & Talk, a weekly walking group that includes yoga, guided meditation and coaching.  I’ve been thinking a lot about goals this week. The spring has sprung and with the light, colour and longer days comes hope, motivation and renewed energy. This time of year is brilliant for setting goals and prioritising healthy habits because we can be outside more and connecting with nature more easily.
Goals are a great way to be clear about what we want in life and to make sure we achieve it. Goals give us a focus and framework, and keep us accountable. They say that a goal without a plan is just a wish; why waste time making wishes when you could be setting and achieving goals? As well as long-term and short-term goals, I like to include small daily and weekly goals that keep me focussed and motivated. My daily goals usually include water intake, exercise and incorporating at least one self-care activity into each day. This can be anything from a mindful five minutes, yoga practice, or meditation and an early night. My weekly/monthly goals are a mix of work and personal development. Read two books or complete a training course for example. I enjoy the framework having goals gives me. I enjoy being able to see progression and being able to celebrate an achievement (including the small wins). A clear goal is a route or path to your personal priority. Practising regular goal setting is a healthy habit that helps us step into our personal power and focus on creating the life we want. Sometimes life gets in the way and we don’t achieve what we set out to. There are never any failures- only feedback- revise the goal and keep working on it. Don’t use language like ‘falling off the wagon’ if your goals are related to heathy eating or weight loss as there is no wagon but there is always the chance to try again tomorrow. Keep your goals SMART. Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. Visualise it, feel it with all your senses and imagine yourself having already achieved it- what does it look and feel like? Make your goals as real as possible in your conscious mind and the unconscious mind will work to make it so. Try writing yourself a plan. Keep a journal, use a tracker, create a mind map or vision board and stick it on the fridge. Set out your life goals and be clear about your intentions. Once you have set the destination and planned the route, you’ll be surprised how short the journey can be! Amy x  For many years, my sisters, soul sisters and I would talk about how we should get together to run our own wellness events for women. We have a wealth of experience between us and would attend events, retreats and workshops and feel inspired to do the same. I have participated in some amazing retreats and have grown as a person because of them. The cost, however, can be pricey and often prohibitive. We wanted to create a space for ordinary women- like us- to carve out time and space to rest and recharge, to refill our cup so that we could continue to pour into everyone else's.
Fast forward a little and the idea for the Chakra Series was born! With busy lives and competing priorities, women can't always find a weekend to themselves to go on a retreat, they can also be unaffordable - or a luxury many can't afford in the current financial climate. It's much easier to find an afternoon a month to completely unwind and recharge. We decided that we would offer a monthly afternoon retreat that focused on aligning one chakra at a time, a series of retreats that enable us to build a foundation of strength and security as we journey towards self-actualisation and enlightenment. Importantly, we wanted to ensure that our retreats are accessible and affordable so that all women are able to prioritise their wellness and personal growth. We bring our skills and experience together to create bespoke events for women like us. We take you on a deeply relaxing journey with a group of like-hearted women from the moment you enter the sacred space to the moment you leave. The afternoon retreats vary in content, as they are individually designed, but you will experience activities including pranayama and breathwork, mindful movement and yoga, therapeutic writing and mindful creativity, guided meditation, sound therapy, ecstatic dance, chakra balancing, reiki and a range of holistic therapies. Our philosophy at the Women's Wellbeing Collective is that of connection. We are so happy and grateful that we have been able to work together on the Chakra Series to share our passion and offer other women the gift of rest, reflection and reconnection. With love, Amy x |
AuthorAmy is the founder of the Women's Wellbeing Collective. She is an educator and mum of three with a passion for holistic therapies and women's wellness. Archives
May 2025
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